Tales From Coffey’s Convenient –Episode One, Jenny Chases John

Way back in ancient times, the 1970’s, my brother John worked as a manager for a little convenient store owned by our family dentist. The dentist had enough and decided to sell the business. My brother John in all his persuasiveness talked our Dad into becoming a business owner and buy the business. Dad was not in tune with all the workings of being a business owner as he had worked his whole professional life as a printer and decided he would be a business owner as a side gig to his day job. In true entrepreneurial spirit the saga began. Some of the shenanigans that went on in the store continue to make our family laugh decades later. I decided I would share some of these tales in episode format and see if they are truly funny to other people or if my family is in need of more professional counseling than most.

Episode one- Jenny Chases John

Jenny was a colorful old dame. She was in her eighties I think when Dad bought the store and hired her on. She had worked at another convenient store down the street for years and everyone knew her. When the store closed, Jenny along with a few of the other veterans came to work for us. She lived life to its fullest. She would regularly drive herself to the ‘old folks’ home to visit and make the old folks feel better. Remember she’s in her eighties and who she might be calling the ‘old folks’ would make me wonder as an 11 year old. I thought she must be visiting Methuselah herself! My brother was maybe 19-20 and full of it. On this particular occasion, Jenny observed John merely looking at a beautiful woman dressed in shorts and a tank top enjoying a hot summer day who had come in to buy some provisions. When John smiled at the image, it was enough to get Jenny going. She proceeded to go to the ice cream freezer and open a box of popsicles. She took one out, walked up to John and tried to drop it down the front of his pants. John ran up and down the aisles in front of the customers with this little old lady, a popsicle held high over her head, chasing John shouting she was going to cool off that little thing. The customers were at first in shock but in seconds everyone was laughing hysterically at the chase. John was laughing so hard Jenny caught him and succeeded in her mission. Chalk one up for the old dame with her own version of birth control.

God Bless Jenny. She’ll never be forgotten.

Episode Two – Bill’s Hearing Aid Batteries Are Dead…or Are They?